Verbal Paint

Thoughts in my 30th year.

The 4th of August is my birthday. Today is the day I came into the World. I didn’t do the obligatory New Year’s post on the 1st of January 2015  or NYE 2014. I don’t do resolutions any more, I just live. I started drafting this post earlier on this year and have been adding to it during the many hours of reflection I’ve had. I’m giving you insight into my thoughts over the last 8 months.

Now with my birthday drawing closer,  i’m starting to reflect a bit more on my almost 30 years since 1985….baby! A few months ago my cousin asked me what we were planning for my 30th. The truth is, I hadn’t thought about it. I know I am turning 30 but it’s not a big deal. I want it to go quietly without the obligatory Zimbabwean party in a communal hall with bring and share or potluck dishes, a dj, looooooong drawn out speeches from my tribe, kin and kith (that make me want to pull my afro out) resulting in only 1hr to dance before we are kicked out of the venue. I couldn’t face the usual announcements about a blue peugoet 306 number plate HK51 ZXA blocking other cars nor did I want to be in the clean up operation of a party I don’t want. I want a holiday away from all of that. The further away I am, the better.

That shocked people because I am the life and soul of the party. I changed in 2014. A lot of things happened.

1) I learnt that you can fall out of love with humanity. People can destroy you.

2) I learnt that I offend people. No seriously, my persona can offend people. My humour is questionable and those who get me, get me alas some don’t. I learnt a painful lesson on causing offence when it was unintentional. So now I am more mindful of my utterances.

3) Number 2 made me self examine. I had to confront a lot of characteristics I had, known and unknown. Infact I still am at this moment in time. People refer to me as a ‘strong’ character. Now I don’t think that statement is a good thing. What does it even mean?

4) Your circle will get smaller with time. I’m moving from a pay monthly to pay as you go. I don’t call a lot of people any more. I seriously don’t need unlimited cross network minutes monthly.

5) Do not to place all your eggs in one basket. When they break, you are left with nothing.

6)  2014 was the year I was blocked on social media. I had never been blocked before but have in the past blocked bullies and trolls. I’m neither one of the above but it happened to me. Refer to #2. It was a bitter pill then but easier to swallow now.

7) Do your things quietly. Everything is on a need to know basis. If you have no need, then you won’t know.

8) Not everyone will be happy for your success. Refer to #7.

9) Growing up is painful. I was in such a hurry to grow up. Now I’m like, stop. time.moving.now.

10) Have a little self belief. I now know that God placed a treasure trove of talents inside me. Because he has equipped me, I will be okay.

11) Trust in God.

12) Sow a seed. Be it in kindness, in deeds, property and cash. God taught me how to give until I have nothing.

13) I am determined to succeed. I will be everything I imagined I’d be and more. A PHD, acclaimed writer, designer,  motivational speaker and so much more.

14) I finally embarked on a back to health journey. This involved fitness emotional, physical, mental and spiritual.

15) Depression is real, it is the unspoken taboo in our communities. A lot of people suffer in silence myself included.

16) Be kind to people refer to #15.

17) If someone is silent, check up on them. Normally it is the sign that something is wrong.

18) Sometimes some water is thicker than some blood. No seriously some friends are better than family. Infact some friends are family. They will stand firm with you. 

19) Blood is thicker than water.  I’m not contradicting #18 but family really matters.

20) Count your blessings. Whilst you are mourning over your life, someone out there wishes they had your life!!

21) God provides. 

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? (‭Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭25-27‬ NIV)

22) Time is a healer. Things get easier as time goes by.

23) Fear is real. It can paralyse you and render one useless. It will crush your hopes and dreams in one malicious and vicious lie.

24) Watch your words. Be mindful of what you say. I am where I am today because of my mindless words both good and bad. So speak only words that build and not destroy. Words that encourage and don’t discourage. Words that heal and not hurt.

25) DISCIPLINE! I went searching for discipline and I found it….Errr more accurate if I say I’m working on that area everyday. I am becoming more disciplined with food, health, my Christian walk and so much more.

26) I started my own business. Noone speaks about the hardship involved. It’s not as glamorous as you expect.

27) Being left out still happens even as an adult. You will be left out of activities and find out after they’ve taken place. Or you will realise that everyone knows but you. You know what, it’s okay! It’s called separation.

28) Separation can happen at anytime. A friendship can die overnight. An unhealthy attachment can be erased. Why? So you can cling to God and not that person or thing.

29) Thou shall not worship false idols.
A false idol doesn’t have to be an effigy of some 8 limbed god covered in gold or some scowling god roughly hewn out or rock. It can be a person you cling onto for hope and breakthrough. It can be something that takes precedence over God like Instagram, Twitter etc. It can be an activity etc. Be warned, our God is a jealous God. He will soon cut that down.

30) I need God. Without him I am nothing.

I have been working on this post since January whilst quietly reflecting at each stage. Every few points I type up cause me to stop and think about what I’m saying. No doubt when I write my 40th birthday post it will be very different. Life is constantly evolving us as individuals. We change and grow a little more with each hurdle, achievement, curveball and disappointment. Such is the beauty of how God created us.

Happy birthday to me.
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4 thoughts on “Thoughts in my 30th year.

  1. Good post and I couldn’t agree with you more. The pressure of doing something just because you’re turning 30 isn’t nice especially if you’re not in the mood.
    I always thought my eyes were opened when I turned 28 but when I turned 29 they were opened even wider.
    By the time my 30th birthday came round all I wanted to do was curl up in bed with my mum and that’s exactly what I did.
    The next day I went to Thailand with my sister.
    It’s your 30th do what you want to do. X

    • I’m glad someone understands. I’d like a holiday and we’re planning on going away soon. Sounds like you had a great time. In from a family that celebrates everything, even the opening of an envelope 😂😂. I think having grown with it, it’s become too much. Here’s to bucking tradition and onwards and upwards.

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